I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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