My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
