When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
