Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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