Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I AM VODKA MAN
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
