it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
