life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
