I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
