O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
