i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
