Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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