ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
