Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
even my farts smell like vagina
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
