It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Every concussion has its silver lining
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
