I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
