You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
