You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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