Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
