Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
