Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
