New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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