I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
BRING THE BAGELS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
