ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
