some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
how does that bad decision feel?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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