Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
