For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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