ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
