i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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