dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
3pm strippers are depressing
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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