People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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