After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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