Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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