Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
