I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
