Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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