bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i dont even know how to be here
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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