Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
