well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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