Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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