Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
