I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
