At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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