We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
