the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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