; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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