I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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