Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
