If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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