She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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