I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In the future we'll all be gay
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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