If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
