I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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