So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
