why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
