I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
