pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You're a waste of cheezeits
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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