I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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